Help! My penis isn’t working!

bil-sandra-lucy-booth-saturated_fotorJust now I received an email:

My wife and I have been rebuilding our relationship after a long period of trials and tribulations. We work opposite hours until recently and have been spending a lot more time together. Both one on one as well as family time. Lately I’ve been having trouble raising and maintaining an erection, which is really taking a toll on my self esteem and has me feeling inadequate and insecure. I’ve been trying to work out and lose some weight alongside taking various male supplements over the counter and vitamins trying to fix my problem. I recently expressed my feelings to her about this problem and her response was very supportive, but I still just feel inadequate. Do you have any suggestions that I could try to wake my jimmy up?


This is my response:

How old are you? Have you talked to your health care professional to double check your heart health? If you checkout as healthy and you’re on the younger side, from what I’ve gathered it’s more around stress and other mental factors. Once you can find the source, that’s when you can start really being good to yourself in the way your body needs. 

I’d say connecting with your partner has so many options that aren’t penis-focused. Making out, massage, sensation play, oral, fun games (like “No one is allowed to orgasm tonight.” with prizes or playful punishments), light kink, etc etc etc. 
So I am not sorry to report your penis’ operation doesn’t change the person you are, who you can be with your partner and the health of your relationship. I’d start with forgiving yourself for being human and not a sex robot. Don’t let society weigh in on your value as a person, lover and spouse. The best lovers often are the ones focused on discovery, intimacy and pleasure for its own sake. Use you hands,
How’d I do? 
Posted in sex

3 thoughts on “Help! My penis isn’t working!

  1. Hello. I’m a bisexual girl with a great boyfriend, and I want to show and explain to him that there are so many ways to have sex besides penetration. I’m really open to experimenting, trying new things and being creative. We have a really good comunication. Could you please tell me about a few exemples of things we can do besides penetration? I want him to have fun, and I’m sure you know about a whole bunch of things to pleasure ourselves than I do. I’d be truly thankful if you explained to me your ideas or advice. Thank you!

    1. As the French say “love in the evening starts in the morning” which means: everything that happens between you and your lover all day can be little affections along the journey to sex. Remind him that the key to the female orgasm is not making a woman cum but making her want to cum and the longer you sustain the anticipation the bigger the payoff. So it can all be extended way beyond the bedroom. Even a cup of coffee can be presented as a personal affection, not a perfunctory part of your morning routine. In bed many of the affections can be non physical or certainly non-genital. Light a couple of candles and see how long you can sit and smile at each other and exchange gratitude or complements. Eventually you won’t be able to keep your hands off each other. Other ideas: masturbate for/with/on each other, try edging to porn, use toys. Play sex golf – each room in the house is a new sex act, you can make it up as you go along. Create a sexcapade where you do discreet favors for each other as you shop or bar hop. Of course as a bi lady you can always float FFM if you haven’t already. Three brains can be sexier than two. Have fun!

  2. My simple but effective recommendations are first to try and eat or supplement with cayenne pepper daily, it’s a powerful viagra-like stimulant. Start with a teaspoon a day and see if you need to increase/reduce the dosage. It works even more when you take cacao, ginger and garlic the same day (all of those work better if they are raw and organic). Secondly, try to reach intense pleasure without ejaculation. Most men don’t know how much ejaculation drains their sexual drive. Take note of your overall energy levels after two weeks without ejaculation then again after u do cum. I have had erectile dysfunction for many years, even when i was supposed to be at my peak (mid twenties) and it got cured thanx to a chinese woman who gave me sensual healing “massages” (it was more light caresses). Nobody had ever touched me that way before and i realized that my whole body (skin) was erogenous, not just the penis (she made me reach extremely intense orgasms without even touching it). If you can totally surrender/relax and let the woman touch you her own unique way, you will enter a vast new world of sensual pleasures. The same can be true for the woman, being touched without feeling the pressure to touch the other at the same time can be very satisfying. Last thing, it’s important to schedule enough time to make sure nothing is rushed because it’s a slow build-up process from nothing to the nirvana. It’s a normal thing for experienced partners to spend 2-3 hours teasing each other until that moment when the pleasure explosion just happens and it takes over your whole body like if you had put your fingers in a 1000 watts outlet. Hope this helps, good luck!

Nerd out here & at the Sex Nerd Sandra facebook page!

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